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Pretty

from Autonomy by Stephanie Lambring

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It was my fifth grade Christmas pageant
I went up to read my passage
Got the giggles, the kind that you can’t stop
I crept back to my seat
Face as red as boys are mean
He said, “Hey fat girl, you ruined everything.”

I wiped the tears off my glasses
On my velvet Christmas dress
And I wondered if I’d ever be pretty

Watched the mirrorball spin
Around the middle school gym
Hopes were high, but I was shy, and he was a cool kid
My best friend asked him
To ask me to dance
He said, “I can’t, she’s too fat.”
And he just laughed

I pretended not to cry
By the free throw line
And I wondered if I’d ever be pretty

When I was 17
Some old has-been said to me
“Honey, you look like a million bucks
But if you lost 30 pounds
Oh, just think about it
I bet you’d look like 20 million.”

So I cut hard and I cut fast
Ran round and round the high school track
There wasn’t one damn calorie I didn’t know
I stuck fingers down my throat
To fit into my skinny coat
We all pretended not to notice the water running

Brushed my teeth and wiped my eyes
On a polka dot towel
I wondered if I’d ever be pretty

Now that I’ve grown up
I’ve tried to learn to love
Every curve, every line, every imperfection
There’s a woman in the mirror
But sometimes I still see her
The little girl who would never be pretty

I step up and let some number
Make it a good or bad day
I’ll be damned if I’ll ever be pretty

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from Autonomy, released October 23, 2020
Written by Stephanie Lambring

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Stephanie Lambring Nashville, Tennessee

"One of Nashville's most fearless young singer-songwriters" - NPR Music

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